This is my response to young-adult infidelity I hear about – if you want to sleep with someone else, just break up. Unfortunately, for many who cheat, the illicit aspect of the sex seems itself to be a motivating/arousing factor so breaking up to sleep with a new partner is too “boring.”

Badger
June 4, 2011 at 2:19 am
SayWhaat,

“More on this, please. How do we know whether or not our exes are genuinely interested in getting back with us, or just want a P&D?

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To Seduce, Or To Be Seduced? That Is The Question
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Brendan covered this well, but generally speaking women don’t look for another man as long as the first one is blowing their minds out with dopamine. In enymatic chemistry it’s called “competitive inhibition” – the enzyme binds to one molecule and thus can’t bind to another. One guy is in your “relationship” bin and he has to be moved out for another to have an opportunity. When a woman cues up “ILYBINILWY” she’s switching what’s in the bin.

“Not so for men. We may be very happy with our current mate, but still find other women as attractive as we did before we met her. The two things are not related in us at all – two independent things.”

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More on this, please. How do we know whether or not our exes are genuinely interested in getting back with us, or just want a P&D? And what kind of confusing behavior would accompany a move to the relationship ladder?

Passer_By
June 3, 2011 at 6:06 pm
@saywhaat

“How do we know whether or not our exes are genuinely interested in getting back with us, or just want a P&D? ”

If, when they approach you about getting back together, they come across as confident, desirable, sexy and having their shit together, then they probably just want a pump n dump. If they come across as needy, desperate, undesirable and basically just a wreck, then they are probably serious and really miss you. :)

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I think that highlights one of the differences: the likelihood for a woman to find another man attractive for mating (or partnering) is directly related to how happy she is with her current mate/partner.

Not so for men. We may be very happy with our current mate, but still find other women as attractive as we did before we met her. The two things are not related in us at all – two independent things.

whiteboykrispy
June 3, 2011 at 11:47 am
Excellent post, Badger. You have a way of cutting to the core and explaining everything that needs to be said. The 3 ladder conception of male attraction is a particularly accurate conception.

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